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100 You see a tall ghoul with long hair. |
101 You see Wooz. |
102 You see an extremely tall and lanky ghoul with long hair. |
110 I am Wooz. What do you want? |
111 What do you want now? Are you dumb? |
112 Hello. What do you want? |
113 Booze, Wooz. |
114 What do you do here? |
115 Tell me about this place. |
116 Have you ever heard of something called a Garden of Eden Creation Kit? |
117 I don�t want anything from you. Goodbye. |
120 I just told you that every Vault has one. Does this look like a Vault to you? Are you dumb? Why are you looking for a GECK here? Try a Vault. |
121 Where is the nearest Vault? |
122 I�ll show you dumb. Talking to me like that is dumb. I�m the Chosen One, you know. |
123 Uh, well, I was going to� and I thought you might� oh, never mind. Goodbye. |
130 A Garden of Eden Creation Kit? You mean the device included with every vault that is supposed to be used when the people leave the vault in order to reestablish civilization? |
131 Yes! That�s it! Where can I find one? |
132 Uh, no, I meant some other Garden of Eden Creation Kit. |
140 I run this place. Are you dumb? I sell drinks, trade for things, tell stories, and play Tragic. |
141 What do you want now? |
142 I want a drink. |
143 I want to trade. |
144 Tell stories? |
145 Play Tragic? |
146 I guess I don�t need anything right now. Goodbye. |
150 Trade? I�m always ready to trade Tragic cards. I�ve got a couple of old Vox Mubies, a Black Dahlia, and some Rare Earths. |
151 I suppose you just want to trade stuff, huh? |
152 What the hell are you talking about? |
153 Uh, I don�t know what you�re on, but I hope you have some in inventory to trade. |
154 Yes, I�d like to trade. |
155 Hmm... let me ask you about something else, first. |
156 I don�t need to trade right now. Goodbye. |
160 Not much to tell, really. Just a bunch of ghouls clinging tenaciously to the ass-end of life. |
161 No, I meant tell me about this bar. |
162 Well, that describes a lot of people. Nothing new in that. |
170 You want a drink, huh? Well, we�ve got our very own Gamma Gulp Beer at $5/bottle and, for special occasions, our Roentgen Rum at $12/bottle. |
171 What�ll it be? |
172 Gulp? |
173 I�d like a Gamma Gulp Beer. Is it supposed to glow like that? |
174 This is a special occasion, of a sort. I�d like a bottle of your Roentgen Rum. |
175 I want to buy a round of your fabulous Gamma Gulp Beer for everyone here. |
176 Uh uh, goodbye. |
180 You don�t have enough money. Are you dumb? |
181 Umb? |
182 Oops. Sorry. Let me buy something else. |
183 Okay, let me ask you a question, then. |
184 I guess I am dumb. Sorry. Let me ask you something else. |
185 Dumb? Talking like that to me is pretty stupid, pal. You might just hurt yourself that way. Goodbye. |
186 Sorry. Goodbye. |
190 You want to buy a round of drinks for everyone here? You must really be hard up for friends. That�ll cost you $35. |
191 Cost is no object, my good man. I�d like a round of drinks for everyone here, Wooz. |
192 Wooz, old chum, I want to buy a drink for all my friends here. These guys are the greatest. |
193 Wooz, com�ere... theesh guys are the besht friends a person could ever have. Gimme another round for all my friends. |
194 Wooz! Gimme another round for all o� my pals. Theesh guys are the best. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Group hug! |
195 On second thought, I must have a hole in my head for wanting to buy drinks for a bunch of rotting zombies. |
196 I guess I�d rather just buy a drink for myself. |
200 I�ve got this great story. It�s really funny. You see there�s this head, right? |
201 A head? |
202 Uh, I think I�ve heard this one already. I don�t have the time to listen to this now. Goodbye. |
210 Are you dumb? Tragic the Garnering is the most habit-forming thing since Jet. |
211 It�s like I was saying. Tragic the Garnering is the game to play. |
212 Tell me more about this Tragic the Garnering. |
213 What�s Jet? |
214 I guess I�ll take your word for that. Goodbye. |
220 Hmm, sorry. That�s the only one I know of. By the way, have you seen an apple, lately? |
221 An apple? |
222 I�m too disappointed to talk right now. Goodbye. |
230 I just love apples, but there aren�t many left anywhere. I hardly ever see them. |
231 I didn�t know you were such a fruit fetishist. Tell me something else. |
232 I�ve heard that you could really savor an apple because they were so slow to eat. |
240 Slow?!? You are dumb. Fuck you! Apples are just as fast to eat as any other fruit. Apples rule. If it weren�t for a conspiracy on the part of fruit manufacturers we�d all have apples. |
241 You�re crazed, aren�t you? I think you�ve been sampling too much of your own brew here. Tell me about something else. |
242 Oh, yes... apples really are wonderful. (you back away slowly) Yes, that�s right. Good Wooz, easy there. Goodbye. |
250 I think we were able to come to an understanding. Need anything else? |
251 Actually, I think there is something else that I could use. |
252 That�s all the trading I want to do right now. I do have some questions, though. |
253 I don�t need anything else right now. Goodbye. |
260 Oh, the Chosen One. Oh my, I didn�t realize. I�ll just try to stop shaking long enough to tell you something then. (Wooz smiles) Come closer and I�ll whisper it to you. |
261 Well, that�s more like it. I deserve a little more respect around here. |
262 I�m not getting any closer to you, you scrawny freak. Get away. Goodbye. |
270 Nearest Vault? Gee, I don�t know. Maybe you could ask the people in Vault City where a Vault might be. Vault City�s just south of here. You are dumb, aren�t you? |
271 I knew that. I was just testing you. Gee, Wooz, you�re so smart. Tell me something else. |
272 I am not! You�re the one that�s dumb. I�m leaving. Goodbye. |
280 (Wooz beckons you closer) Let me whisper in your ear� |
281 Okay. |
282 I don�t think so; you�re just trying to eat my brains, aren�t you? I�m leaving. Goodbye. |
290 FUCK YOU!!! Now get out of my bar. Chosen one. Sheesh, what a loser. |
291 I don�t want to stay in your stupid bar, anyway. You didn�t have to yell like that. Goodbye. |
292 That�s it, you fucking leper. Time to give you a little lead inoculation. |
300 Fuck you! You�re dumb. What the hell do you want here? |
301 Uh, I�m really sorry I pissed you off, Mr. Wooz. I just wanted to ask you something. |
302 Fuck me? Fuck you! Your bar sucks. I�m out of here. |
303 Uh, nothing. Sorry, Wooz. |
304 Uh, did I tell you how much I really just love apples? |
310 Really? I didn�t know that. Well, if you love apples, I guess you can�t be all bad. Now, what the hell do you want? |
311 I had some questions for you Wooz. |
320 Zombies? Fuck you! We�re ghouls. Zombies are a type of undead with no free will. Although we share certain physical characteristics -- most notably, the rotting flesh and characteristic morbidity -- we are creatures of free will. Allow me to demonstrate. |
321 Huh? |
330 I am demonstrating my free will by telling you to GET OUT! Damn smoothskin bigot. Go back to Vault City, where you belong. |
331 Ghouls, zombies, who cares? You�re all freaks. |
340 Well, Tragic the Garnering isn�t just a game -- it�s an obsession. Not a cologne, either. Some think that the way it changes a person�s life is tragic, but they just don�t understand. |
341 Uh huh. |
350 Jet�s a chem that comes from New Reno. Were you born yesterday, or are you just dumb? |
351 Oh, that Jet. Well, sure I knew about that. Tell me more about this Tragic the Garnering. |
360 No, really. It�s wonderful. You should play. Just once. The first box of cards is free. A little something from me to you. |
361 Thanks. Hey, these look great. (you tear the wrapping off) Mmm, I just love that smell. |
362 I just say �No� to Tragic. Goodbye. |
370 Hello there. Looks like you�re another Tragic player. Have time for a game? Or are ya yeller? I�m a-callin� you out. |
371 I really don�t have time for a� well, how long could one little game take� |
372 Sure, just let me� No! Must stop. (your hand reaches for your deck, seemingly of its own volition) Noooooo! |
375 I'd play Tragic with you but it looks like I'm all out of decks. |
376 Wait until next week I'll put together a deck that can't be beat. |
377 You took some of my best cards. I hate this game! |
380 That�s just the first part. Now that you�re one of us, want to play a game? |
381 Sure, but you�re going to have to show me how. |
382 I don�t think I really have time for that right now. Let me ask you something, though. |
383 I�d love to stay and trade Tragic cards with you, but I�ve got things to do. You know, in real life? Goodbye. |
390 Well, it�s simple, really. Even someone dumb can understand it. First, you build a play deck out of the cards that you have, and then you� |
391 Uh, huh. You say you deal to the third player unless it�s Thursday? OK, I think I�ve got it now. Let�s play. |
392 Maybe I�ll play later. Thanks for telling me how, though. Goodbye. |
400 You won? Fuck you! I need a ruling on that. You just got lucky, this time. This deck of mine just didn�t work. I�ve got to build a better one. |
401 Thanks for the cards, Wooz. And I thought you knew how to play this game? I guess you�re dumb. |
402 Well, them�s the breaks, Wooz. Goodbye. |
410 I won! Fuck you! You are dumb. I have crushed you. Now I can build an even better deck with your cards. |
411 Uh, yeah. You won. Goodbye. |
412 What a surprise. Well, at least I didn�t have to listen to one of your stories. Goodbye. |
420 No time at all. Let�s go. I�ve got a new deck that I want to try. |
421 Okay. Have at you, then. |
422 No, I must resist the siren�s call. Get thee behind me, Tragic! Must ask something else. |
430 I know what you mean. I can stop anytime I want. Just not today. |
431 You�re not kidding. Actually, I wanted to ask you about something else. |
432 Arrrgh! Must leave while I still can. Goodbye. |
440 Well, the Harp�s named after a favorite hangout that I used to have before the war. I guess it�s just a reminder of times past. Sort of a joke on the only way we�re going to get a better deal, too. |
441 Before the war? But that was a long time ago. |
442 Better deal? What do you mean? |
450 That may be so, but not everyone has a city full of lunatics thirsting for their blood. |
451 What do you mean? |
460 It sure was a long time ago. How do you think ghouls are made? You think some of us just got up one fine day and said to ourselves: "Gee, I wonder what it�d be like to have my flesh rotting off my fucking body?" |
461 Well, no, I didn�t. Say, how do you make a ghoul? |
462 You know, I just don�t give a flying fuck what made you that ugly. Goodbye. |
470 Those assholes in Vault City. If anyone�s going to cap us, it�s them. They�re fucking crazed. Anyone�s not just as fucked up in the head as they are and they want to kill them. I�d watch myself around them, if I were you. |
471 Sounds like good advice. I�ll be careful. Let me ask you something, though. |
472 I think they�ve got the right idea. Just a little genetic cleansing. I hope they start with you. Goodbye. |
480 �Bout the only way us ghouls are going to get an even break is when we�re toting a harp of our own. |
481 I didn�t know that ghouls were especially musical. |
482 Oh, I see. Heh, heh. Let me ask you something. |
490 With silver-bells and cockleshells and� Boy, you are dumb, aren�t you? Severe radiation. That�s how. How do you think? You know, many bombs go boom, flash of light and heat, flesh burns off, but you don�t-quite-die-type severe radiation? |
491 Uh well, I mean� |
500 Well, I didn�t think so. Fuck you very much for bringing back all those intensely painful memories. Asshole. We�re a town of fucking leftovers -� slightly overcooked leftovers. |
501 I prefer medium-rare myself. Hey, let me ask you something else. |
502 Well, I uh, um. Sorry. I�ll just let you wallow in self-pity, then. Goodbye. |
510 Well, usually I just pound on the hollow heads of my customers -� sort of like bongos. How the hell did they ever let you out of your village? You�re a danger to yourself and others. |
511 Bongos? |
520 You fell out of the stupid tree and hit every damn branch on the way down, didn�t you? |
521 Tree? I guess I�m just not hip to your lingo� man. Uh, let me ask you something. |
530 Yeah, it�s a head. But it�s not attached to a body. You see, it�s been severed. |
531 A severed head. I see. And this becomes entertaining when? |
540 Just hold on a minute. This severed head, you see, it�s in Hell. (hah, hah) And it flies around there, you know, in Hell. And it runs into all kinds of famous people there� (ho, ho, ho) |
541 Wait, a severed head is in Hell, and it flies around�doing what? |
550 Well, it�s doing stuff. (hee, hee) You know. It�s got, things that it wants to do, or maybe things it's forced to do. The point is, it�s doing stuff, you know, there in Hell. Oh God, (hah, hah, hah) I just can�t stand it! |
551 You kind of obsess about this, don�t you? Hmm. Were you and your mother close? Did you ever have problems with bed-wetting? |
560 No, you just don�t understand. It�s all about a severed head. Get it? Heh, heh, heh, It�s funny! How can you think about a severed head, in Hell of all places, and not laugh? |
561 Wooz, I don�t know you very well, and I�m pretty sure I don�t want to. However, I think I can say, without fear of exaggeration, that you need help. Immediate, competent help. |
562 Oh. I see. Why, yes. Of course; that�s very funny. Heh heh. I just can�t contain my amusement� But enough enjoyment -- oh, my splitting sides -- I need to ask you something. |
570 Fuck you! You�re just like all the rest of them. I tell, you it�s hilariously funny. It�s not my fault that you don�t have a sense of humor. |
571 You�re right, Wooz. I guess I�m just not as clever as you are. You�re truly a pearl amongst swine. Now tell me something else. |
572 I have enough of a sense of humor to recognize the absence of one in others. Goodbye. |
600 Are you dumb? I already told you all about Tragic. You must have a really short memory. |
601 See? I told you it was funny. Is there anything else you need? |
700 Are you dumb? |
701 Give me a giant cola! |
702 I need a ruling on that! |
703 Kick me in the jimmy. |
704 Hi, shills. |
705 Fuck you. |
706 I wouldn't shit you on this one. |
707 Let's play Tragic. |
708 I am the worst Tragic player in the world. |
709 STRONG! |
710 I suck at all games. |
711 I am the dumbest person I've ever met. |
712 HATE!!! |
713 Where's the horde a' short women? |